An exerpt from my journal:
Tuesday, 6-October, 2009
Cantabrigia, 1:24 PM
I sit in this magical place, by the DeWolfe footbridge, on the banks of the Charles, in the warm embrace of a huge oak tree which is sending me love from Mother Earth, Godess Gaia herself. Her roots firmly planted here; my roots firmly planted here as well - in this magical land of Cantabrigia.
I have spent the morning flooding my brain with powerful, positive energy - Deepak, Osho, Shazzie - and now feel reconnected to all the beauty and loveliness both within and without my body. This is a marvelous moment; I am right here in each and every second - fully conscious, fully aware - FULLY- feeling fully alive. So often I do not experience this lately. It is the thing that I need always.
I have decided I must find another way to sustain myself. A way that reinforces the beauty and essence of me; the life force running through my veins and without of my physical body; from the earth, Godess Gaia - through all her wisdom, wonder and magic; up through the sky, across the sun and the stars and throughout the universe; the sustainance and nourishment of humanity and of every sentient being - I feel this very same life force coursing through my veins, now inspiring me to go on.
I feel this so strongly and so surely as I sit here today, in Mother Nature's womb - this big, old oak tree.
I have watched myself in these last few months, the waves of emotions and low vibrations wash over me, and have noted my response to these. My involvement with B. has become a very interesting learning tool for me - it brings up such a variety of these experiences in me, from foolish and fool hardy infatuation and delusion to disappointment, anger, sadness and sometimes, even grief. I watch these arise. I typically react immediately without thought, and only later see the reaction for what it is. Rather than taking more of a stoic or meditative approach to these low vibrations: puffy white clouds, dark ominous gray clouds floating slowly across my bright blue skies and sunshine, why do I so often take a finite and fatalistic approach to all of these temporary things? As I see more clearly as the clouds move along, I reconnect to my blue sky; all else falls away.
I have come to realize that I truly do love B., in a very pure and genuine way. It is beautiful and illuminated, when I am not deceived by low vibrational passing clouds. I love who he is! What a glorious experience!
I have come to realize too, that I very much love myself as well. I love this curiousity left over from childhood. I love my innocence and my vulnerability. I love my niavity. I love my creative genious and my intellectual genious. I love my body, that has served me so well; my beautiful face with all its crinkles and flaws. I love my gentle, compassionate and kind approach to life! I love my endless hopefulness and my boundless enthusiasm. I love myself and value who I am so very much. I will be true to myself and honor all that I am: love, joy, beauty, flowing, open - and I will accept nothing less in my life or for myself - only these. All else will simply fall away.
So here, on this day, in this magical land of Cantabrigia, in the womb of this marvelous oak tree, with the Godess Gaia as my witness ... I have become my own beloved.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Who will save Sri Lanka?
9 – Feb – 2010, Cambridge, Massachusetts
I have watched Sri Lanka, the days leading up to her presidential election of January 26, and now sit in disbelief in its aftermath, eerily reminiscent of the post election days in Iran several months ago.
I write a friend to inquire about the reports I am hearing. She writes back to say that she is not comfortable discussing politics; she is not certain if her internet postings are being monitored; Sri Lanka’s present state feels to her, more like that of Myanmar and she does not want trouble for herself and her family.
Today she leaves this comfort behind in her shock and fear resulting from the events of these last few days: the arrest of General Fonseka and of many of his associates, the forced retirements of other high ranking army officials, the dissolution of the parliament. She worries that anyone who identified with the opposition will now be a target, and this, then, will include her:
"I know I said I will not meddle in politics anymore but things have gone from bad to worse. They arrested the independent presidential candidate of the opposition and are holding him in military custody. He was the general who fought the thirty year long war; now all his contemporaries are arrested too. He's a man who risked his life three times for his country, but yet they're depriving him of his medicine and holding him captive, violating all human right laws in the whole world. In time to come they may just annihilate the members of the opposition, us, as they did to the Jews in Germany. I'm very upset, this country need not be like this, I cannot stand to watch all this.
Twelve top army officers including three Major Generals have been asked to retire from the service with immediate effect over a ‘political conspiracy’ while serving. Among these officers, there were two Brigadiers and Colonels, Lt. Colonels and Captains.
Last Friday the CID arrested Brigadier Duminda Keppetiwalana, a serving officer who is the Commandant of the Army Training School in Ampara. He held the position of Military Assistant when General Fonseka was Commander of the Army.
Accordingly, more than twenty other retired officers and soldiers are now in custody and more are due to be arrested. Another source said that a large number of senior and junior officers, who have been transferred to the office of the Chief of Defense Staff are to face inquiries in connection with the alleged ‘political conspiracy.”
I do not know what to say, what to write to my friend. How do I reassure her? There is no one – no entity stepping forward to prevent the M. Rajapaksa administration from proceeding to take what ever action they wish: arrest, detention, perhaps execution? With no clear mandate, the international community sits by and watches yet again as another potential tragedy unfolds, hands tied from taking any meaningful action.
Now, I read an Amnesty International report on the arrest of General Fonseka. It claims the General was preparing to offer testimony of war crimes against this current administration. This has been reported only following the General’s violent arrest yesterday.
(http://www.amnesty.org/en/news-and-updates/news/arrest-sri-lankan-opposition-leader-escalates-post-election-repression-20100209 )
Other reports indicate the arrest is to prevent a coup d’état. This has been generally reported leading up to the arrests - but one man’s coup d’état may be another’s assumption of his legitimate position had it not been for a rigged election. One cannot know what to believe.
I opt to believe the words of my friend. The question now is – what does one do? What action can I possibly take that will any impact at all? I cannot think of anything; all I can do is write.
Writing and publishing – exposure of humanitarian crimes – can sometimes create the line which is drawn between outrageous action taken by a desperate dictator and heinous crimes against humanity committed when despotism is left entirely unchecked.
And so today I write and hope that others will join me.
I have watched Sri Lanka, the days leading up to her presidential election of January 26, and now sit in disbelief in its aftermath, eerily reminiscent of the post election days in Iran several months ago.
I write a friend to inquire about the reports I am hearing. She writes back to say that she is not comfortable discussing politics; she is not certain if her internet postings are being monitored; Sri Lanka’s present state feels to her, more like that of Myanmar and she does not want trouble for herself and her family.
Today she leaves this comfort behind in her shock and fear resulting from the events of these last few days: the arrest of General Fonseka and of many of his associates, the forced retirements of other high ranking army officials, the dissolution of the parliament. She worries that anyone who identified with the opposition will now be a target, and this, then, will include her:
"I know I said I will not meddle in politics anymore but things have gone from bad to worse. They arrested the independent presidential candidate of the opposition and are holding him in military custody. He was the general who fought the thirty year long war; now all his contemporaries are arrested too. He's a man who risked his life three times for his country, but yet they're depriving him of his medicine and holding him captive, violating all human right laws in the whole world. In time to come they may just annihilate the members of the opposition, us, as they did to the Jews in Germany. I'm very upset, this country need not be like this, I cannot stand to watch all this.
Twelve top army officers including three Major Generals have been asked to retire from the service with immediate effect over a ‘political conspiracy’ while serving. Among these officers, there were two Brigadiers and Colonels, Lt. Colonels and Captains.
Last Friday the CID arrested Brigadier Duminda Keppetiwalana, a serving officer who is the Commandant of the Army Training School in Ampara. He held the position of Military Assistant when General Fonseka was Commander of the Army.
Accordingly, more than twenty other retired officers and soldiers are now in custody and more are due to be arrested. Another source said that a large number of senior and junior officers, who have been transferred to the office of the Chief of Defense Staff are to face inquiries in connection with the alleged ‘political conspiracy.”
I do not know what to say, what to write to my friend. How do I reassure her? There is no one – no entity stepping forward to prevent the M. Rajapaksa administration from proceeding to take what ever action they wish: arrest, detention, perhaps execution? With no clear mandate, the international community sits by and watches yet again as another potential tragedy unfolds, hands tied from taking any meaningful action.
Now, I read an Amnesty International report on the arrest of General Fonseka. It claims the General was preparing to offer testimony of war crimes against this current administration. This has been reported only following the General’s violent arrest yesterday.
(http://www.amnesty.org/en/news-and-updates/news/arrest-sri-lankan-opposition-leader-escalates-post-election-repression-20100209 )
Other reports indicate the arrest is to prevent a coup d’état. This has been generally reported leading up to the arrests - but one man’s coup d’état may be another’s assumption of his legitimate position had it not been for a rigged election. One cannot know what to believe.
I opt to believe the words of my friend. The question now is – what does one do? What action can I possibly take that will any impact at all? I cannot think of anything; all I can do is write.
Writing and publishing – exposure of humanitarian crimes – can sometimes create the line which is drawn between outrageous action taken by a desperate dictator and heinous crimes against humanity committed when despotism is left entirely unchecked.
And so today I write and hope that others will join me.
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